This week’s Spin-Cycle topic, is about Fear. My fear, y’all, is kinda silly. I’m afraid of the phone. Well, not really the phone. I know the phone isn’t going to turn into some kind of wild-eyed little creature and attack me. I’m just afraid to make phone calls.
I didn’t realize, until I started researching it, that my phobia is one that is shared by so many other people. There are actually social networks on the Internet to help “the sufferers” of this condition. Great. So now I have another condition along with menopause, shift work sleep disorder, clicky elbow, morton’s neuroma, dark circles under my eyes, chronic constipation, saggy turkey neck, an adult child with ADHD, age spots, wrinkles, drooping knees, hyperhomocysteinemia, adult acne, abandonment issues, a stepchild with separation anxiety, and the whole burden of being southern…to worry about.
Wiki describe this as: fear of confrontation (why are you calling me?) , fear of ridicule (why do I want to talk to you?), fear of mis-communication (what if I mispronounce something and sound stupid?), fear of being misunderstood (southern slang is hard to “get” sometimes), fear of misunderstanding, fear of forgetting what you wanted to convey, and fear of forgetting what you were told while on the phone.
While I can relate to all of this, I’m pretty much just afraid of calling you at a bad time. Who knows what you might be doing? You could be eating, having a romantic interlude, sleeping, going potty, or tweezing your eyebrows. It feels rude to interrupt folks at times like that, and, as every southerner knows, the only thing worse than getting mad is being rude.
Now if you call me, that’s another story. Obviously you want to talk to me, but what if I can’t think of anything to say? A long lull in the conversation would be tacky and awkward. You might think you called during a bowel movement and how embarrassing would that be? I always write down everything I want to talk about if I DO make a call, but when someone calls me, there’s no notes to go by. This produces more fear.
So just know that if I’ve ever called you, I have endured a good day of working myself all up over it, a long internal debate about what would be the best time to call so as not to get you off the toilet or out of the bed, 30 minutes of plain old heart pounding, hand shaking fear, writing and re-writing the number (so I don’t call THE WRONG NUMBER….another whole kettle of fear to deal with…talking to a stranger!) writing down and rehearsing what I want to say and a few minutes of meditation. Plus, I really had to be in the mood to talk to you.
Nevermind. I’ll most likely never call, y’all. Thank God and Baby Jesus for the internet.